Nervous System Regulation
One of the concepts that I go on about like a broken record in clinic is nervous system regulation. Other practitioners or people on the socials may call this other things like “stress management” or “lifestyle modification”. Me? I like to name it the action that’s required rather than the blanket term of telling someone to “manage their stress” when in reality, that doesn’t tell you what to do or what’s actually going on in your body when you’re in hard emotion.
I’m not a counsellor, psychologist or social worker, so please seek professional help in times of crisis. But what I do have is the experience of a lifetime of anxiety related to being highly sensitive, empathic and being raised in a chaotic early environment, a 20 year marriage to a narcissist (who was my greatest teacher), a spiritual awakening and a technique that seems to be working for me so far in my personal life, relationships, work and with my clients.
No one I know had parents who were able to demonstrate and teach us what to do with uncomfortable emotions. The most common way people have traditionally dealt with hard feelings is one of two ways, and they seem to be gender specific - men have pushed their big emotion out onto other people in the form of anger, rage, verbal or physical reactions. For women, it’s traditionally been more acceptable for them to internalise hard emotions….keep quiet, bottle it up, push it down inside. And it’s no coincidence that women have the highest rates of thyroid and autoimmune diseases. Dr Christiane Northrup talks about this in her book “Dodging Energy Vampires” - a great read for anyone who is sensitive and empathic.
Here’s a basic guide to learning to regulate your nervous system for a better life:
Get in your body. A question? What does stress feel like in your body? Do you even know? I often ask client’s where they experience stress in their body and they can’t tell me. There is no judgement with this….it’s that most people live in their heads and disconnected from their bodies on a daily basis.
This could look like: A daily practice of grounding (feet on the earth/grass/dirt); physical practices that get you in your body like yoga, exercise, walking, swimming; bringing your attention to your breath and what it feels like to breathe; doing a ‘body scan’ exercise to check where you are holding tension in your body. You need to know what your body feels like when it’s relaxed to know if your nervous system is activated.
Know that when you are stressed = “fight or flight” hormones are running the show.
This feels like: increased heart rate, sweating, agitation, nausea, unable to think clearly or sit still.
What’s happening in your body? Adrenaline is increasing your heart rate and blood pressure by means of vasoconstriction of your vessels; blood is being redirected from non-essential services like rationale thinking and digesting food/repairing the body to the muscles, heart and lungs (to get you ready to run or fight); stored sugar (glycogen) is being released from the liver to fuel your muscles for the run/fight and the pre-frontal cortex of your brain (responsible for rational thought, concentration and balanced emotions) goes offline while the amygdala (primitive, survival brain) jumps into the drivers seat to keep you alive. This is also referred to as “being triggered” in emotional terms.
Long term this response sets off a chronic inflammatory cascade and increases the likelihood of you developing chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension, stroke, autoimmune diseases and obesity.
Don’t text/talk/type when your nervous system is activated: Brene Brown (PhD social worker, shame researcher & story teller - See her TED talks & published works) says don’t try to text/talk/type or communicate anything important (like in #2). Shit is absolutely guaranteed to go sideways if you do.
Rehearse a response that you can use with people when you’re in this state. My go to, rather than going nuclear, is to say “My nervous system is feeling really off right now and I need to go regulate/self soothe. What you’re saying is important to me and when I’m feeling less triggered/activated I would really like to talk this through”
GO REGULATE: in nature animals move stress hormones through their body (fight or flight) by running, fighting or shaking (watch a National Geographic doco and you’ll see this at play). Humans, with our superior intellect, think that they can problem solve this in our minds, when in fact it’s the physiological release of stress hormones that needs to be moved through the body.
Jump up and down, shake, dance, run, walk, sing, scream into a pillow, cry, take space…..do whatever makes you feel good and helps to dissipate stress hormones and regulate your nervous system. And don’t stop until you physically feel your body returning to a more relaxed state. You don’t have to get there completely and it’s unlikely you will. Remember that this takes practice.
Get clear in your head: this can only happen when stress hormones have been worked through the body and the PFC (prefrontal cortex) is back in the driver’s seat. At this stage - I take 5-10 minutes to write down the issue, how it made me feel and (if applicable) what I need or need someone else to do to remedy it. Be aware of any stories you are telling yourself…..I had a cracking ‘victim’ story playing out for years until I became aware that it was keeping me small and stuck.
Learn an emotional vocabulary - Brene Brown talks about how humans can usually only identify about 6-8 primary emotions, when in fact there are 50+ different emotions. Identifying those emotions in our body is even more difficult if we are living in a disconnected state.
Try an Emotional Release Technique (ERT, previously NER) session to move self sabotage patterns, triggers or hard emotions that keep impacting your life. I trained in this method after finding that most of my client’s physical issues were actually the result of long term unconscious or subconscious emotional blocks that were stored in the body’s energy systems. Releasing these is quick, easy and powerful in moving you forward with your healing. Go to “Book In” select Emotional Release Technique in the appointment section and pay at checkout to confirm your booking.
If at any time life becomes so overwhelming that you are unable to manage your emotions and/or you are in danger of harming yourself or someone else, please reach out to your GP, therapist, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, present to your local Emergency Department or call “000”.
Summary
Remember that the only control any of us have over anything in life is our response to what’s going on around us….and if we can regulate this response through a regulated nervous system then life becomes innately less stress producing.
